Aaaahhhh, want to be in for example Lysekil

All of a sudden have this craving to be in Lysekil or somewhere on the West coast of Sweden tonight, and have Swedish prawns that were caught this morning... Nothing better than fresh prawns!

But I hear that the weather is horrible in Sweden and has been much of the summer. But who cares, in my dreams I'd be in Sweden in a few hours, enjoying Lysekil and the sun, hearing the sound of the sailing boats at the pier, the way they move in the water, hearing the seagulls, and, as mentioned, enjoying the food.

Even missing seagulls. How about that... Here there are none, we are too far away from the water.

But I need to be back in Düsseldorf tomorrow morning. And I don't want to pay a fortune. Can we do that? ;-)

Well, I will be OK. There is a fish market in town Sunday, I think I will go there...

Kirmes Düsseldorf

Kirmes is a big deal in Düsseldorf, it's what they call a fun fair, a portable (well) amusement park that is built up every year in the city. It's supposedly the biggest Kirmes along the Rhein, and it arrives in July, is built up in a matter of days, enjoyed for two weekends and the week in between, before it's packed up again and the different attractions are scattered around Germany. It's a fascinating activity and during a week Düsseldorf is boiling with expectation... No entrance fee so even those of us who doesn't like roller coasters and spinning things can enjoy it- we go for the food and drinks... Or I go, I should say, seems like most people enjoy the rides except me - but I could be the "bag holder", wouldn't hurt to have someone doing that too.

In Sweden I used to prefer going to Liseberg with friends who had kids, as I could watch the kids or go on the children's rides with them... Liseberg is the big permanent amusement park in the pretty central part of Gothenburg, a permanent installation since 1923 - Kirmes has got nothing on it but of course one of the things with Kirmes is that it is built up and taken down so quickly while Liseberg is a permament setup...

Well, now Kirmes is gone, the last day was Sunday, the 26:th of July, and now we have to wait another year...

Some little piece of me always stays

I never know what will trigger my memory, quite often it is odd things, things I associate with something, and it may be very far fetched.

Today, being out on my bike, I was carefully braking with my handbrake. And all of a sudden - yes, I know, my memory is sometimes painfully good - I had this flashback of a guy I went to pre school with. His name was Petter, we were 5, going on six, when we first met. We didn't see ourselves as kids, we saw ourselves as pretty big and mature, but anyhow. He had dark hair, and red moccasins, and he was charming. He never started first grade with us, because he and his many siblings went to a school in the big city - can't remember if they were a special religion or why, or if they just had other reasons why they wanted to go there. Anyhow, Petter was in love with me, or so everybody said, and I sure had a soft spot for him. After he started school in the city and I started in the little town/village we were living in, I didn't see him as often, but he would now and then come down to the playground close to where I lived, on his bike. I believe this was a year after he had started in town, we were going on eight, and he was circulating the playground.

Important for the story is that I was not allowed to have a handbrake on my bike, my mum and dad said it was too dangerous, as you, if you would use only the handbrake, which was for the front wheel, could flip the bike over and fall head first to the ground. You see, almost all bicycles, especially girls bikes, all had a foot break, expect for the real racing bikes, however real a bike for a kid below ten is.

Petter, HE had a bike with handbrake, a sporty bike with one of those race bike handles, and he was also very proud of his bike. At this specific time he was driving around on his bicycle, clearly on the look for me - the majority of the kids in that little area were much younger or considerably older, our school friends all lived among the villas or the detached or semi detached houses in the neighboring area - we are talking minutes apart but anyhow - and for some reason he had to stop. And he did just what my mum had always warned me about, he used only the handbrake, and the bike did just what my mum had also warned about, tipped forward...

I remember how I tensed when I saw it, afraid he would hurt himself , and I remember how he tried to laugh it of despite the fact that he had gotten a bit scared and despite the fact that it was embarrassing - you could clearly see it. It took a long time before I saw him again after that, weeks...

I wonder if he remembers me? I expect others don't quite function like me but for me is is clear, every one that I have loved or cared about, also as a little girl, when love was perhaps not the same as love when you are a grown-up, has left some sort of mark, I carry a piece of them just like I carry pieces of every friend with me in my heart, but they also got a piece of mine, so that no one would go around with less heart than they started with... If they know that they hold a part of my heart I can not tell, but regardless, there it is...

I recognise my neighbours on...

I recognise my neighbours on their dogs... Scary, this beautiful couple came in to Starbucks where I am sitting writing right now, and I saw them and was thinking how good looking they were. And then I all of a sudden realise that I know them! It's my neighbours, and I saw the dogs. And THAT'S how I know it was them... (Actually not sure I even saw her before, but him I have seen plenty of times...)

Update: I also recognize them on the car. Still not on the way they look... I walk pass them if they don't have the dogs or the car with them. Well, I smile anyhow, I normally smile at people, but I don't know that they are my neighbours...

Cheezus :-)

Love cheese. Hard cheese is completely OK for someone like me, lactose intollerant, as hard cheese matured for more than three months is actually lactose free, it the maturing process the lactose is "eaten up". Soft cheese I should be a bit careful with though, but I can't always be careful, can I? Nope...

There is an excellent cheese shop in Düsseldorf, Fromagerie. Good service and lots of good cheese, mainly french but also some Italian, Spanish etc. And the prices are not bad, otherwise Germany is quite expensive when it comes to dairy products, at least for what I am used to. And normally you pay more in Germany for a less tasty cheese than what I would pay for a good cheese in Sweden... Anyhow, Fromagerie... Last time they actually had a Swedish Västerbotten. Unusual, rare, but nice. But I didn't buy it, I went mad with the small cheeses on the picture instead. The one that looks like a big lump of something green is covered with Rosemary, an excellent cheese that I have forgotten the name of but it was good and that is all I care about.

Same day as I went and bought the cheese I also had a big package from Amazon coming in - I LOVE Amazon - and me, my new books, a glass of red, and cheese were having a great time.

Yup. I prefer to eat cheese just like this. Cut big chunks and just enjoy, who need crackers...

Back to being a kid

I am back to being a kid. Never needed any sleep as a kid - well, very little at least - at least when I got sucked into my book. And now that is all happening again... Been totally mesmerized by my books lately, and imagine that I for a while "in between" - I call it my black period - read mainly news articles, work related stuff etc. And listened to podcasts. How is that even possible? Glad to be back, this is an addiction that I DON'T with to do anything about...

OK, maybe it is silly to wake up at 2 at night and read for an hour... THAT part I should perhaps stop...

Today I am a bit annoyed

I don't normally write about things that annoys me, at least not here, simply because there are enough people spreading negative energy and I don't need to add onto that. But sometimes I make an exception. It is OK as long as it doesn't turn into a low row of complaints...

Today I AM a bit annoyed though.

Why?

Well, as you may have gathered by now, I travel by train to work. In general I travel a lot, not just on the local train to work, but also elsewhere. Travelling on train is a pleasure, I can sleep, read, eat (if I brought something to eat), write emails, and so on. That is one of the pleasures with travelling. And yes, as I said, I do sleep sometimes. It's never deep sleep, so I don't miss my stop, I just relax, and dose off for a while. I HAVE missed my stop, I admit that, but never due to sleeping, I have missed it when I have been completely focused on a book, but sleeping? Never. Except once when I was sixteen but that doesn't really count, does it? It was such a long time ago. I am a well trained travel sleeper. Fact is, get me onto a plane and it is not just that I sleep, I can't stop myself from it no matter how I try, my eyes most of the time just closes... (A hassle when you are on a long flight and want to wait for dinner, by the way...).

Anyhow, today I was first reading a bit, but then I decided to close my eyes, seemed some micro sleep would be a good idea, I do that from time to time, and the train was moving so smoothly, rocking slowly from side to side in the way train does, without any sudden stops. Soothing... Put my book down, secured handbag and computer bag around my arms, and closed my eyes. I am hearing the announcement about the next stop, feel that the train starts moving again, and falls deeper into sleep.

And then, I am awoken by someone asking me in German "where are you going to". She also adds "Tell me where you are going and I will let you go back to sleep". I semi panic, and look up puzzled (Germans rarely speak on the train, and especially not when you don't have eye contact first), looking out the window, not recognizing where I am, it's just country side outside. I ask "where am I", the woman, looking like a teacher, says "where are you going". I say "but where are we?", she says "tell me where you are going and I will tell you if we have passed it". But HEY, if I wasn't annoyed before - waking me up like that - I get really frustrated when she doesn't say where we are, and I am still feeling puzzled, as I just woke up, not understanding if I missed my stop or not, so she finally tells me: Direction Wuppertal. I relax, that is where I am supposed to go, and I hadn't missed the stop, so I tell her where I am getting off, and I am off the hook.

But my body is too filled with adrenaline to go back to the meditative stage I was in so I reach for my book instead. That was that beauty sleep. I KNOW that she was just trying to be helpful but I didn't appreciate it at all. First of all it is not as if the train is going to go very far, anyhow, it is a local train. Had it been a long distance and she seriously though I had missed my stop it would have been one thing but this is a local train going between a few cities. My main concern is not even if I have actually missed my stop but that I, if I did, don't have a valid ticket, my stop is the last stop in my zone, so if caught I would get a fine, which would be embarrassing. I can always buy a new ticket to go back to the office if needed, the trains on this stretch is frequent.

I can't help but wonder why she woke me up, why she felt that she needed to know where I was going to get off. She does look like a teacher but I am at least - at LEAST 15 years older than her students, possibly and most likely much more. I do indeed look younger than I am (especially here in Germany where many women seem to look older than the women the same age in Sweden, go figure) but is it possible that the woman was that wrong? Or is there some other reason? Did I look lost?

When I get to the station where I am supposed to get of she apologizes for waking me up, wishes me a good day, and the "rest you so much need". I thank her. And think to myself that that was one help I didn't need, and that she doesn't know what she is talking about. I don't need much rest, especially not summer time (never did, not even as a baby), but one of the reasons I don't is that I have the skill to relax whenever I have a chance. Whenever and wherever...

But at least she meant well...

Soil and "Pimp" sessions.

Friday I went with friends and saw Soil and "Pimp" sessions at Savoy here in Düsseldorf. Incredibly good! The energy was breathtaking and the atmosphere was so thick that you could have cut it with a knife. There were seating for all, but very quickly everybody was standing in their seats dancing. One of the best concerts I have seen I think, just because of that energy. The music is also excellent of course, and very different. Soil and "Pimp" sessions are from Tokio.

I will see them again if I get the chance. For sure!

I must say that I am very grateful for friends here in Düsseldorf, friends who are open for adventures and hears about new music etc, if it wasn't for them I wouldn't have found this, it is not something I was looking for. But OH so good!!!

Sometimes they also mess with your hair...

A few weeks ago someone tickled my belly on the train. Yes, yes, by accident, but still.
Today it was my hair... A fellow passenger streatched his arms back over his head and there I was... :-)

Nope, this one was not good looking either...

(Update: And yes, both me and the girl facing me laughed. The poor guy just looked embarrased and blushed. Thing is I like to travel backwards, while most people travel facing the direction they are heading. Guess the poor guy just didn't think someone could be sitting right behind him, as the train was far from full...)

The sound of music

On a regular basis I hear what sounds like a flute through my office window. It goes through everything, even my closed windows. The tune is somewhat nice too, it reminds me of one of the classical English or Scottish tunes, could hum it for you if you were here... I kept wondering what it was though, because such a strong tune doesn't just come from a flute, there needs to be some sort of speaker and microphone involved.
For a while I thought there was a funeral, as I first heard it in an office that is close to a cemetery, but then I heard it from various places, but never was I able to identify the source. After asking colleagues I however found out! It is actually the scrap metal man! He or I guess it could be a she too drives around in a car and collects various kinds of junk, most of it being metal scrap that they take care of if one way or another. And the signal indicates that he is on the way...

I guess it makes sense in the industrial town I am in, for work, but I am not sure if Düsseldorf has the same thing, something tells me that the marked for scrap metal is far smaller in Düsseldorf than in the industrial towns around. The main industries in Düsseldorf are fashion industry, banking, and tourism, as far as I know... Not much metal coming from these areas.

Wow, they are TINY when they are less than three weeks old!

It is strange, you forget HOW small they are when they are just a few weeks old! Saw a friend and her newborn today, and the new little baby (3100 grams) was really the tiniest little thing you can imagine. On photos taken, of her and me, my hands look enormous! OK, I do have pretty long fingers and hands but not as big as they look on these pictures...

Amsterdam, pretty Amsterdam

Saturday I left the rains in Düsseldorf and went west - Amsterdam. One could say I had an AmsterdaY... Went in the morning, returned home in the evening. Headed over to see a very good friend and his girlfriend. To be completely honest I was pretty nervous... What if she wouldn't like me? Maybe we would just not function together? That would have been bad! Naturally I would have backed off - the happiness of my friend means the world to me - and besides I am anyhow not even in the same city anymore, but it would have been hard. I am not saying that she would have to LOVE me but it would be good if she could at least put up with the babbling Swede and all her stories... Now it seems I was worrying in vain, the girlfriend was really sweet (which I already knew, as my dear friend has good taste) and we had a very enjoyable day together in Amsterdam. I am still a bit jealous that they got to the handbag museum the day AFTER I was in town though. Especially the pictures of the Shark shaped handbag, which included bite marks on one of the fins (from another shark, of course...) caught my attention. It's by the way on Herengracht 573 if I am correctly informed, will be good to know for my future visits!

Amsterdam in general is a very lovable city, full of great people, bikes, water (sometimes also from the sky, unfortunately), laughs. And what makes it even better is that it takes about two hours to get there, by train. And that is what also makes Düsseldorf such a great city, it is easy to get to and from. Well, it is ONE of the things that makes my darling Düsseldorf a great city...

But back to Amsterdam, just a little note. Rijksmuseeum, the most well known museum in Amsterdam, with plenty of famous paintings and so forth: It is not as small as it seems at the moment... Leaving the museum (which, by the way, is what you see on the picture here), all three of felt a bit puzzled. While we spent just enough time in the museum - after all it was a beautiful day and beautiful days are best spent outside, even if in the shadow - it seemed a bit small, especially when you see the building from the outside, it is enormous! We were talking about it and contemplating what they have in the rest of the building - art school, university, restoration of paintings, etc? And after we had been throwing ideas for a while we found the sign.... The museum is being renovated and what we saw was a temporary exhibition displaying some of the most important pieces of art they have there... And THAT was why we felt it was small!!!

By the way; No coffee milk this time...

HOW can you continue to not be on first name basis when...

The Germans in general are pretty keen on nudity, at least compared to many other parts of Europe. When I have been on beaches in Greece as well as in other parts of Europe, and everybody else is "properly" dressed - i e in a swimsuit etc - but one or two people, the naked people have always been Germans. My colleagues are also agreeing with what I say. Many Germans like the freedom of being able to be without clothes on the beach.

Also public saunas in Germany are generally shared. And yes, you are supposed to be naked in the sauna. In Sweden you are supposed to be naked too, but the sauna is either for men or for women. Not in Germany. At my gym they DO have one night a week when it's women only, otherwise it is shared. I will not use a sauna in Germany, WAY to uncomfortable. And I doubt most Swedes would - there goes our rumour I guess - we are not quite as open and relaxed as people like to think.

But what fascinates me more than the German desire to be naked is that even after you have been in a sauna together, naked, the Germans generally continue the habit of calling each other by family name. And this is where it gets REALLY strange. How on EARTH can you, when you know how your co workers look naked, seriously think that you can keep the distance and not be on first name basis???

In Sweden we do the other way around; Use first name but don't see each other without clothes...

Buying wines in Germany

Many Swedes likes to go to German because you can stock up on cheap - or at least less expensive - alcohol. Living here one realises that this is not quite true, in the shops at least the better wines - and with that I mean the somewhat more pricey ones - are often the same or even less expensive in Sweden. But you get good wines that are less complex for a good deal in Germany, and for the really horrible ones you pay more or less nothing. But who wants the really horrible ones anyhow? In many cases it's the cheaper things that are less costly,
and then the whisky, vodka etc, the stronger the drink the higher the tax in Sweden. The sortiment is also far greater in Sweden, as it is controlled by the state and every shop therefore has to have a basic sortiment. Good old Systembolaget. Things they don't have in stock but somewhere else they can in many cases get for you so that you can pick it up the day after at no extra charge. That is service that! But one thing that Germany will be better at is the specialised shops. And the possibility to try before you buy...

One of my favourite wine shops in Düsseldorf, belonging to the chain Jaques Wine Depot, pictured above. Just grab a glass, and try what you feel like buying. If it is good, buy it. If not, try another one... And you don't even have to drink it, you can spit it out like in a real wine testing session too, if you want to.

Of course it has quite the opposite effect compared to the Swedish politics. People go home with far more wines than they had planned for. Me too, but it just means I don't have to go quite as often...

Yes, I am Swedish, and VERY tired of having to defend that

So, I am not blond, nor do I have blue eyes. I also don't sound very Swedish. But I AM! I am and I am so very tired of having to defend that.

I enjoy when people can't imagine that I am Swedish because of the way I sound. I also find the reaction when I tell them that I am Swedish and they look confused because I am not blond, and how can you be blond when you are not Swedish. I am OK with that reaction and I can even enjoy it, making jokes about it.

But when it happens again and when the person saying it keeps insisting that I am not Swedish because I am not blond it does actually upset me. It if is said as a joke I don't mind, but when it is completely serious, when I am questioned as if I was not completely truthful, I do get annoyed. I would have thought that explaining that yes, I am Swedish, would be enough, but no, from time to time I run into these people who just can't let go. They claim that I am not a real Swede and have me declaring the background of my parents, my grandparents and so forth. I know I don't have to, I could just tell them how insulting they are and not talk to them anymore, but it feels like I have to defend myself. I am PROUD of my family, and my family is a mix of different nationalities, we are spread out over the world. I would not mind having that in my blood too but the relatives abroad moved from Sweden to there or married into the family. A long long time ago, some 300-400 years ago parts of the family moved in from elsewhere to Sweden, but that is the case with all Swedish families, I would say - it's just that I happen to know about it. I would not deny it if I had other background than Swedish, I think that is something to be proud of, but I should really not have to defend being Swedish - I am sometimes feeling that the people who persist, are actually thinking that I am ashamed of being from somewhere else, hence that is why I don't "admit" to it. That is not the case, of course...

So I say it again, the same thing that I have said before; No, you don't have to be blond to be Swedish. You don't have to have blue eyes. Most Swedish kids are blond when they are young (especially in the summer, when the sun bleaches their hair) but most of the blond kinds will grow up to much more dark haired adults. Some work on it by dying their hair, others accept it for what it is - but all in all, there are not as many blonds as most possibly like to think...

And then there are some of us who are dark haired with brown eyes by nature.

And by the way; If you have been to Sweden and you still think that all Swedes are blond, and those who aren't aren't real Swedes, as it was suggested to me very very recently, you are wrong. Trust me on that.

Hot hot hot

...and by that I don't mean sexy. Quite the opposite actually. Warm and sweaty. I am not complaining, not at all, I love warm weather, but it IS a bit difficult to keep the energy up and work efficiently when the temperature outside is going on 30 and we don't have air condition in the office. Being on the top floor with a four big windows also adds to it. But hey, we can open our windows, some don't even have that.

Thankfully I am at least a woman and there are no visits from external customers etc planned so I can at least wear a little summer dress... No suit etc for me, no thanks! And actually, despite being Swedish, having grown up on the west coast, where the weather always changes quickly, I left any scarf, jacket etc at home today. This is unusual, I normally want to be "on the safe side" so I bring something IN CASE I get cold - but not this time. I find it very very unlikely that i will be cold today, in Sweden the nights would be called Tropical nights, the nights when the temperature never drops below 20 degrees C (68 Fahrenheit)...

Well, I will continue to drink plenty of drinks without caffeine and without alcohol and I think I will be OK. Red tea, Roiboos, is actually VERY nice also when cooled down!

Fun fun fun

There is so much going on right now that I haven't had a chance to sit down and write more about what I did in Berlin. But quite frankly I don't care; Nice weather, of course I am going to try and be out as much as I can! See you soon! Or when the weather is less nice. Or when I don't have other plans.

Cheers!

UPDATE: Or when I am melting and all my energy is gone...